Ijaw Dictionary Online

How Automobiles Work


– SO HERE’S AN AMAZING STORY
I WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU. RECENTLY I FOUND OUT ABOUT
A COLLEGE STUDENT NAMED FORD YATES, AND HE SKIPPED SPRING BREAK
TO DONATE BONE MARROW TO A COMPLETE STRANGER. ENDED UP SAVING THAT MAN’S LIFE, AND I WANTED TO REWARD HIM
WITH $10,000, BUT I THOUGHT HE SHOULD EARN IT. SO WE FLEW HIM… ‘CAUSE HE HADN’T DONE ENOUGH. SO WE FLEW HIM AND HIS MOM,
LINDA, TO L.A., AND WE SENT ONE OF MY WRITERS,
ADAM, TO PICK HIM UP FROM THE HOTEL AND PRETENDED TO BE
THEIR DRIVER. AND, OH, BOY,
HERE’S WHAT HAPPENED. – [singing]
KEVIN, THE CAR DRIVER PLAYED BY ADAM – THE YATES?
– YEAH. – HI. YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR BAGS
RIGHT HERE. YOU GUY’S BEEN TO L.A. BEFORE? – SURE. – AND HOW LONG HAVE THE TWO
OF YOU BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER? [laughter] – SINCE HE POPPED OUT
OF MY BELLY. – SMELLS OKAY BACK THERE, RIGHT? – YEAH.
– MM-HMM. IS THERE A REASON IT WOULDN’T? – NO, I PUT THIS STUFF
BACK THERE BEFOREHAND. I JUST–
‘CAUSE I… DID YOU WANT ANY WATER? – OH, I’M GOOD.
THANK YOU. – I WOULD LOVE A WATER.
SURE. – YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST HOLD ON. CAN YOU JUST… CAN YOU JUST SIGNAL OUT HERE? THE TURN SIGNAL ON THE BACK,
ON THE LEFT, DOESN’T WORK. SIGNAL FOR THIS GUY BEHIND ME? – WHAT? ARE WE STOPPING FOR– – YEAH, WE’RE STOPPING
FOR A SECOND. YOU GUYS WANT ANYTHING?
– NO, I’M OKAY. THANKS. – YOU?
– I’M GOOD. – BE RIGHT BACK. – WHAT IN THE WORLD? – OH… – DO WE WANT TO CALL A CAB? THIS IS THE MOST
UNPROFESSIONAL… THING I’VE EVER SEEN. – IS THAT A CASE OF BEER? – DORITOS AND CORONA. GOT LUNCH THERE? – NO, I’M GOING TO… I’M JUST GOING TO A PARTY
AFTER WORK. YOU GUYS WANT ANY DORITOS? – NO, I’M OKAY, THANK YOU. – WELL, DID YOU GUYS FINISH
THAT ONE? – OH, UH…
YEAH. NO. – I THINK WE’RE GOOD.
THANK YOU. – I THINK WE’RE GOOD. – I CAN PUT ON THE RADIO HERE
IF YOU GUYS WANT. – SURE. [loud Middle Eastern music] – THERE SHE IS. – WHOA.
– WHO’S THAT? ELLEN? – ELLEN. – SHE DOES, LIKE,
THE DANCING STUFF, RIGHT? – YES.
– YEAH. – THANK YOU.
– SURE, I’LL LET YOU GUYS OUT. JUST A SECOND.
JUST KEEP YOUR BAGS HERE. THAT ONE, RIGHT?
HERE’S THIS OTHER ONE. – THAT’S YOUR OTHER BAG. – WHAT’S THAT? I THINK THIS BAG’S YOURS. ELLEN HEARD ABOUT WHAT YOU DID. I’M NOT ACTUALLY A DRIVER. I WORK FOR
THE ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW, AND SHE WANTED TO GIVE YOU GUYS
$10,000. – WHAT? – OH, MY GOD! THANK YOU SO MUCH. OH, MY GOODNESS. WHAT IN THE WORLD? [cheers and applause] – FORD AND HIS MOM, LINDA,
ARE IN THE AUDIENCE TODAY. OKAY, SO YOU WERE SO
INCREDIBLY PATIENT, AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? I MEAN, WE SAW WHAT YOU WERE
THINKING, BUT… – WELL, I THINK WE DECIDED
HE WAS A LITTLE OFF WHEN HE HAD ME PUT MY HAND
OUT THE WINDOW. – RIGHT, RIGHT.
YEAH. AND YOU DID IT. – AND WHEN HE STOPPED
AT THE CONVENIENCE STORE, WE THOUGHT WE MIGHT NEED
A PLAN. – YEAH. – WE THOUGHT THAT
IF HE WALKED IN AND STARTED DRINKING BEER
IN THE CAR, WE WOULD PUT HIM IN THE BACK
WITH MY MOM AND THEN I WOULD START DRIVING
TO THE STUDIO. – EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T LIVE
HERE AND KNOW WHERE TO GO. – NO CLUE WHERE TO GO. – NEITHER DID HE. HE WAS GOING IN CIRCLES
FOR A WHILE. WELL, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT ANYTHING. I MEAN, ADAM, HE DOESN’T DRINK
IN THE CAR; HE DRINKS AT THE OFFICE,
BUT NOT IN THE CAR, SO… THANK Y’ALL FOR BEING HERE,
AND YOU’RE AN AMAZING GUY, FORD. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
THANK YOU. [cheers and applause]

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